I allow myself to be fascinated by the things that I have never met or experienced. So once in a while I ask friends and colleagues about their lived experiences, because, you know, avoiding issues doesn’t make them disappear neither does it make me any wiser.
One such days we talked about cheating;
Me: Have you ever met a man or woman who has settled for a life of cheating with another’s spouse?
Colleague: Yes. A respectable woman I must say. They have an arrangement with this married man on meeting days and times. They respect that the man is married and loves his wife – they do not intend on disrespecting the wife and kids.
Isn’t cheating in itself disrespecting the wife?
Not really. Let me say they do not see it as such. They see it as meeting each other’s needs in a home set up. But still keeping the man’s family intact.
Yes. They don’t, for example, exchange messages or talk on the phone after hours, when the man is at home with his family. There have set boundaries.
You don’t seem to find anything wrong with this arrangement
I don’t. She is a reasonable woman. She doesn’t demand much from this man. Just attention and a few hours a week on agreed days. No financial support or any of the things young women would demand.
Why doesn’t she look for a bachelor?
She says those are a headache. They are unstable and never seem settled. They are always either pursuing another woman or thinking about it. They often think they have too much liberty. They have no restraint. She prefers a solid and established married man.
Was she ever married?
Is it something she is considering?
I don’t know. But her life seems to revolve around her career, business and time with this man. At least that’s what we talk about.
How long have you been friends?
About 3 years now
How old is their relationship?
Going to 5 years.
And the wife never complained about it? Never suspected?
If she has, she kept it to herself. The woman said they ensure life at home remains as normal as possible.
How does that happen? Doesn’t he come home late on the days he meets the woman?
Not later than normal.
This seems so structured and regimental. Is there any fun, emotional high and all the other excitement of a romantic relationship?
She is very happy. She talks about him with a twinkle. Kana these are mature people. Ga se bana ba ba itumedisiwang ke dilonyana (they are not young lovers that get excited over small things).