I found out its true. When you are open about what you want to do, people, consciously and not, just somehow propel you to excel in that area. Through words, actions, allowing you time, critiquing and even trashing your point of direction. Others, somehow, fear for you, that you reveal too much, you are muddling the waters. The latter often encourage the old fearful and timid you to rise from the comatose, and cower in the old dark corner. I need them in my life, still. ‘For control’.
I was not a hyper active child, I think, and neither was I among the talkative clan. When I came to, l was not who I have become. I do not plan to return.
I can still vividly hear Nkuku Mma Isake as I write this, probably while I was still at lower primary school;
“Ngwanyana ke wena the o taa nna maaka”, and only then would I remember I had been asking her a lot of questions. On other days it was “o botsa dipotso tsa sekae tsone tseo”.
Since deciding to leave the cocoon and share my lived experiences, I have also met another interesting group. Those who ask me uncomfortable personal questions.
My interactions on social media are often quite personal, even publicly intimate, if you would, but a lot of me is still to leave the cocoon. Thus, I still, for example, find personal questions about sex and sexuality uncomfortable. I’m however indebted to those who dared me; pushing me further towards my destination, if there is any.
“If your plan is to write a memoir, go all the way or don’t go at all”. That’s me.
“Oesi you say you married at 29 and your husband is your first boyfriend – and you only dated for a year. What happened before that?”
“Nothing happened? I had said
“You didn’t have boyfriends, no sex, nothing?”
“Yes, no boyfriends, sex and all its accompaniments. Sex was to happen after marriage”.
“How is that possible?”
“Um, that was the only available choice. I guess that’s why”.
But I never could have anticipated this one,
“Since you got married, have you had sex with somebody else besides your husband?”
Ha! Who asks that.